This race weekend started off like any other race weekend... with me, overpacking. My excuse this time was the strep though ... and just not having the energy to do it. In reality, it is why I always overpack - because taking everything is easier and I won't forget anything that way.
My parents picked me up on Thursday afternoon to head down to Cambridge... I was still in denial that my race was just a arms reach away.
I tried to calm my ever growing nerves and find motivation by finishing Chrissie Wellingtons book on the way down. Of course, by the end, I was crying.
Crying from excitement, crying from nerves, crying from the fear of disappointment.
After unloading all my junk, that I am sure would have filled a U.Haul had I rented one, the three of us hit the streets of Cambridge to find a couple beers and the Ravens game.... and I suppose some food to go along with it.
I stared at the TV... but I couldn't watch the game. My mind raced as thoughts of the ChesapeakeMan overtook every second of my being. I texted my sister, who I am sure by this point, was tired of hearing my worries. I decided that if I couldn't watch the game, so neither could she. I needed a sense of comfort. I needed some sleep. We retired before the game ended.
Friday was filled with typical pre-race preparations... although when it came to packet pick-up I knew I was getting nervous because as I got ready to go, I put on 1 tennis shoe and 1 cycling shoe.
.... I obviously just tried to play it off as a fashion statement. Afterwards [actually after a Wal-Mart shopping spree for some last minute things but sometimes I don't always admit going there :) kiddingg...... :0\ ] we headed to the park to rack my bike. By this time, I had not gotten a workout in since Monday due to the strep... and I felt weak. I imagined all the hard work over the last 9 months was left in the bed at home. I needed to move my muscles. I needed to get in the water.
It was a cool 71. The race would be wetsuit legal.
It felt nice.
I took a short swim out to the first buoy and back. I took it slow... although I am not sure if it was because I purposely did, or just because I was. ...
After my final glance around and a farewell to the park I was ready to hop in the car and head back to the hotel.
I'll see you race morning ...
I knew I should have gone for a short run, but it wasn't in it... but that is what parents are for. They weren't going to drive me out of the park that day.... We compromised and I told them I would warm up my legs and meet them at the corner.... which turned into a couple of corners.
... I felt good coming out of the water. I felt miserable during that run.
More panic flooded in.
The emotions were starting to get the best of me, and I regret some moodiness I started to express towards my parents. They were amazing ... and I was a brat. The stress of not feeling well and the additional doubt stemming from that started to show its evil head. It wasn't my best moment over the course of the weekend
Something was missing... someone was missing. I needed my sister.
At 6:00 there was the pre-race talk. This would change my entire race the next day.
In a room full of athletes, I tried to appear more calm then I actually was. My insides though, were screaming. I paid attention for the first few minutes ... but then I started to zone out when it was obvious that others didn't read the athletes guide.. or listen to the talk... or even questions that were already answered, as they would ask questions - again.
There was one thing that was said during this talk, and this one thing put everything back into perspective.
It isn't a race, it is an event
and that is exactly what this was to me. Going into this race, people asked me what my goal was... and sure, I had a time I would like to finish by - and I could kind of estimate how long each event should take me... but it wasn't about that. Not this time.
This was about finishing. This was about fulfilling a dream that I had let stay dormate for so long ... too long. This was showing myself how strong I actually am.
In every race I have ever done, I worry about time. It stresses me out, I get frustrated if I am behind, and I stay glued to my watch. I look grumpy, unhappy and I may even throw an occasional granola bar. Looking at me, you may even wonder why I am racing. I forget what is important. I forget to remember why it is that I am out there and I forget to enjoy the moment.
I had already decided that for this race, I would do it different.
I was going to smile.
By the end of the race talk, I knew my desire to be relaxing in the hotel room by 8 was out the window. I still had to have my carb loaded dinner and pack up my 5 ... yup, you heard it ... five transitions bags [a whole new concept to me].
My phone went off, it was a text message from my sister. She was stuck in traffic at the Bay Bridge.
.... All I wanted was to see her before the night was done.
We pulled up to the Olive Garden and the smell of fabulous carbs and deliciouso breadsticks filled the air.
It was crowded ... which I thought was unusual...
You see, we had travelled to Easton for dinner figuring all the good carb loading places in Cambridge would be filled up with athletes. That and the Chinesse Restaurant next to the hotel didn't scream "appetizing" to me.
As I expressed my worry of a wait as I walked in the door I was met by an overly excited, young and beautiful woman jumping in my face.
It was my sister.
I wanted to cry...
... oh who am I kidding. When I sat down at the table and realized that I had my whole family there with me, my eyes filled up. I wanted to toast them, but couldn't - I knew I would not have been able to get the words out before breaking down in tears right there in the middle of the restaurant. I just wanted them to know that their love and support means everything to me.
It was a quiet dinner ... for me. As I always do before a race, I became silent ... an introvert. Luckily my family has caught onto this by now and they knew I was okay.. that I was just anxious.
I desperately wanted a sip of their sangria to calm my nerves...
... by sip I mean I wanted to take the whole thing and chug it down.... but I settled on stealing a pile of Andes Candies I repeatedly passed on my 20 trips to the restroom instead [yay for pre-race hydration].
Once back at the hotel I had the task to setting up my 5 transition bags.
This race had a lot of concepts that were new to me. For instance, instead of 1 transition area where you set up everything you need for the entire race, transition 1 was in a totally differently location then transition 2. Hence the plethora of bags.
-Pre Swim - typically a bag you would use if you didn't have someone to hand off clothes you are wearing before the swim, I used this for the things I needed to finish setting up on my bike the next morning.
-Swim to Bike - What you needed for the bike.
-Bike to Run - What you needed for the run.
-Special Needs Bike - Things you may need during your bike that you can get at the half way point [snacks, extra tire, whatever]
-Special Needs Run - Things you may need during the run that you can get after the first loop or the second loop.
I ran the race in my head over and over again to make sure everything was in the bag it needed to be... and then ran it once more.
Once again - I overpacked... all of my transition bags.
My family had a surprise for me so escorted out to the hallway to wait.... and wait...
and wait.
and wait.
Finally, I was given approval to enter, what was now, a dark hotel room - and in front of me, I saw a splash of neon yellow lighting up the dark room. They all were sporting shirts of my color :) I would be sure to see them from any distance tomorrow. I loved it.
When it came time to decide if I wanted to go to bed... or paint my nails ... I had to paint my nails. It is a race tradition now, and I just couldn't go into the race with the chipped off polish that barely remained from when I painted them a week in a half prior. I tried to make this decision more reasonable by icing my knee at the same time ... and popping in my earbuds to distract my mind with the sound of music.
It was time to relax.
It was time to calm down.
I would get 4 hours of sleep....
My alarm would go off at 4:15, but it would be 4:30 before I actually rolled out of bed.
With all my things packed, it didn't take long to get ready, but it did take a bit of extra time to force a bagel down. My nerves took away my appetite that morning, but I knew it was important to get the calories in.
Once again, I pulled out my iPod.
It was a short drive to the high school where we would park for the day.
You have all your water and gatorade?
Yes.
I dropped of my Bike to Run transition bag, as well as my special needs bags for the Bike and Run before making my way to the bus that would shuttle us to the race start. By this time, I began to doubt my packing. I questioned whether or not I had packed my running shoes, and after too much thinking - I had to check.
I did.
Back to the shuttle.
It was a quiet ride. A long... dark... quiet ride. One would think it was a bus of athletes being driven to their death... but perhaps it was[ ?? ]
I still sought relief from my music.
It was cold.... freezing.
The flags violently flapped as the wind swept over us.. through us. The water, was choppy.
"They don't call it the Choptank for nothing".
The race was to start at 7:00. The sunrise.. 6:59.
Since I didn't have much of a transition I was expecting some downtime to relax, warm up my muscles and to stretch. I pumped up my tires, placed my helmet and sunglasses on my handlebars, and packed my bike with as many calories as I could before I went to fill up bottles.
... The water and gatorade though, were back at the high school...
I had been relatively calm up to this point.
I could I be so dumb.
My dad graciously headed back to the high school, but now I stared at my watch as the race start got closer. Not knowing how long the shuttles would take, I feared he wouldn't make it back in time.
I snuck away to squeeze into my wetsuit. I struggled. It was at this moment that I was thankful that it was dark
... except I was now standing under one of the few bright lights in the area... sigh...
But at least now there was a bit of warmth.
I glanced to my right just in time to see the brightest yellow shirt appear from shadows. It was my dad :) and I could finally finish my set up with 15 minutes to spare.
With this worry out of the way, I shoved my music into my bag. I was as calm as I could be considering what day it was, and it was time to head to the swim start.
I closed my eyes as the anthem played. I focused on the wind that was blowing through me. It felt like a dream....I had to open my eyes.
It was time.
No comments:
Post a Comment